


Tears In Rain

by heartsdesire456



Series: Coulson Family Fics [4]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Gen, M/M, Not Really Character Death, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-27
Updated: 2014-03-27
Packaged: 2018-01-17 04:08:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1373404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartsdesire456/pseuds/heartsdesire456
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Skye turned and headed into the conference room. Phil frowned and followed her. She cried as she pulled something up on the holo table, then stepped away. He stepped up closer, only to still when he saw what she had found.</p><p> </p><p>  <b>Name of Deceased: C. Barton</b></p><p> </p><p>To the right of the file was a photograph of the face of the body from the Coroner for SHIELD identification verification… it was him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tears In Rain

**Author's Note:**

> Obviously I spoil the ending, but Clint isn't really dead, lmao. However, I don't think that detracts from the enjoyability.

Phil was coming upstairs from checking that the SUV and Lola were both properly tethered before they could take off when the calm of pre-flight checks was shattered by the sound of someone sobbing. Phil rushed into the lounge, recognizing the voice, only to stop in confusion when he saw no sign of a threat. Skye was sitting on the couch sobbing openly while Simmons tried to make her talk. Skye was trying to talk but she was too busy trying to breathe. “Skye?” Phil asked, walking closer.

However, when she heard him, she jumped up and threw her arms around his neck. “ _Dad_ ,” she cried, and Phil immediately tensed. Skye didn’t call him ‘dad’. She called him A.C. or Phil. “I can’t- I can’t believe it!” she choked out.

Phil frowned, pulling her back gently. “Skye, what are you talking about?” he asked in confusion. She pulled away and paled. “Skye?”

“You- you haven’t been told- it’s-“ She slapped a hand over her mouth and Phil looked at Simmons, who shrugged.

“She was crying when I got here. I can’t get much out of her,” she explained.

Skye turned and headed into the conference room. Phil frowned and followed her. She cried as she pulled something up on the holo table, then stepped away. He stepped up closer, only to still when he saw what she had found.

**Name of Deceased: C. Barton**

To the right of the file was a photograph of the face of the body from the Coroner for SHIELD identification verification… it was him.

Phil immediately pulled out his phone and turned to stalk to his office. His hands were shaking but he kept is calm façade in place as he slammed the door and immediately called Fury. He sat down lightly, leaning forward some. He gave his identification number and was connected immediately.

“Coulson, I’m assuming since you’re no longer shutting me out that you heard-“

“Is it true?” Phil asked simply. “Is it true or is it some sort of-“

“Phil… I’m sorry,” Nick said, and Phil’s shoulders dropped. He leaned onto his desk, putting his head in his hands. 

“Tell me,” Phil said weakly. 

Fury sighed. “He hasn’t worked with us since the Skye thing. But there was a human trafficker he’d tried to take down once that was dealing in possible alien tech. He got pulled from the last mission so his cover was still intact. Last time he was pissed he didn’t get to put an arrow in Vangould, so he volunteered to go under as a small time smuggler again so we could get him this time. We lost contact five days ago. By the time we got Widow into the compound, they had abandoned the facility except for some guards. She found him already deceased.”

Phil took a weak breath. “Have the other Avengers been notified?”

“Just a few minutes ago I think. Romanov went to tell them personally. She didn’t think you would want a phone call, so as soon as you land she was going to come tell you. I’m guessing you found out some other way,” Fury said with sympathy.

Phil rubbed a hand over his face. “Skye found the coroners file.” He looked down at his desk. “Nick… I need to see. I need to know.”

“I figured you would. I’ve authorized you to officially identify the body. When you’re back, Romanov will take you.” He hesitated and Phil waited. “Look, I know we’ve had our differences but I’m really sorry.”

“Thanks.” Phil hung up and put his face in his hands, a strange numbness settling over his body, radiating from his shoulders downwards. He reached out and pressed a button on his desk. “May, what’s our ETA?”

“About forty minutes, Sir.”

Phil cleared his throat. “Thanks,” he said softly before hanging up.

~

Phil felt sick.

The body on the slab was really Clint. It was really him. Phil had held the tiniest hope in his heart even after meeting Natasha and seeing the haunted darkness in her eyes that maybe there was a mistake.

There wasn’t.

The pale, nearly blue body fully drained of everything that made him Phil’s husband was undeniably the body of Clinton Francis Barton. He even had the scar over his eyebrow Phil put there himself the day he recruited Clint to SHIELD by knocking him out and arresting him. Phil glanced at the edges of the sutures peeking out from under the sheet that had covered him and he closed his eyes, unable to take the evidence that his husband had been _dissected_.

Phil had got the file on his way to the morgue. Clint had been captured, drugged, and _dissected_. He hadn’t been tortured, Phil was assured, so there was some relief in that. According to the coroner, the ME’s report stated Clint’s body showed no signs of struggle, signifying he had been drugged and had probably just went to sleep and never woke up. The only wound was the Y-incision from his body being dissected, so it was likely the amount of drugs in his system simply caused his heart to stop. They couldn’t be sure, though, because none of his internal organs were left. But the lack of any defensive wounds and the lack of bruising suggested he wasn’t struggling when he died, so it was likely peaceful and painless.

Phil wanted to be thankful for that, but it almost felt wrong that his husband, the one man who had never stopped fighting no matter what happened, hadn’t gone out fighting. He didn’t wish that Clint had suffered, but he wished Clint had at least had a _chance_. All the times either of them had been shot, or stabbed, or even tortured, and Clint went out without any sort of a fighting chance. On the way out, a woman stopped him and handed him a plastic bag. Phil opened it as soon as he stepped outside and found that he had been given Clint’s wedding ring on a chain and his lucky key ring. 

Phil knew that normally no personal items were returned if they were on an operative when he or she was killed in the line of duty, so he knew this was a sign of respect for who he was and how much he had given to SHIELD in his time with them.

Phil stopped walking when he closed his hand around Clint’s wedding ring and realized that he had now given everything to SHIELD fully. His adult life, his every opportunity for a normal life, his daughter’s safety, and now, he had lost his husband in SHIELD’s service. Phil looked at Clint’s ring and suddenly it was all too real. Everything was suddenly too much. Phil made it as far as a random hallway somewhere near the range before he had to stop and lean heavily on the wall, head hanging as he swayed, breath coming sharply. He put his back to the wall and didn’t even try to stop from sliding down it. He suddenly felt weary and _old_. He was nearly fifty years old, but never in his life had he _felt it_. Suddenly he was overcome with the realization that he was almost fifty and he was now a widower. He and Clint had always known that it was rare for SHIELD field agents to make it to retirement, but he and Clint had both remained in the field long past the usual expiration date. Melinda was a mark of how it could be beaten, but he and Clint both knew they were on borrowed time from the day they got married. 

Clint had been already a seasoned SHIELD veteran even at thirty-eight, but he had seemed so young and Phil had always kept up with him in the field so he kept him feeling young, too. Suddenly without him, Phil felt all fifty of his years on this earth. He had known it wasn’t likely they would make it this far, but no amount of knowing the numbers had prepared Phil for the reality of suddenly understanding that his husband was _gone_. In his heart, Phil had always hoped Clint’s firm belief that they would both retire one day and grow old together would come true. 

Phil always thought, realistically, that he would be the first to go. Even if he was more behind the scenes than Clint, it was only natural to feel like being older would mean he was the first to go. Be it from age slowing him down so that he missed a threat, or one time underestimating a younger threat’s intelligence as the senior agents were known to do sometimes, he always thought if one of them died in the field first, it would be him. And it had been, the first time. 

Phil suddenly hated Nick Fury more than ever because this was what Clint had felt. This crushing emptiness, this overwhelming fear of ‘what now?’, this sick feeling that something was missing and it was never coming back… Clint had felt all of this. Clint had felt this and it hadn’t been necessary for him to ever feel it, because he was gone now and Phil was alive. It wasn’t fair that they both had to feel what it was like to lose a part of himself.

Because that’s how it felt. 

Phil felt like he was missing a limb. Clint had been in his life for nearly seventeen years and now he was just gone. His best friend, the only person he trusted with everything, the man he loved and chose to share a life with was gone. He was _gone_. He was gone and never coming back. The man who had rolled with the discovery Phil had a daughter and had become one of her best friends, treating her like he had known her her whole life. The man he had saved, and who had saved Phil right back in more ways than anybody would ever know of now. Phil sat with his head in his hands, sitting on the floor of the hallway, not even caring that junior agents who thought he was a robot were walking past as he silently fell apart, possibly even seeing tears in his eyes, and finding out that Phil Coulson had weakness. Phil’s weakness had always been his husband.

And now his husband was gone.

~

Phil returned to the tower alone. When he got to the main common area, he found his team waiting. Skye was sitting by the large, floor to ceiling windows with her knees pulled to her chest as she stared out, face blank and eyes puffy. Natasha had told the Avengers (including Thor, who was vising) already, but Steve was standing off to the side, also looking out the windows. The others, Natasha told him, had already begun to grieve in their own ways, most of which involved solitude and diving into work of various forms, but Phil understood that Steve would want to pay his respects personally. He was a good guy like that.

Other than Skye, he knew nobody on his team knew. He expected Melinda had guessed, but the others were still confused. Ward stood up when he saw Phil coming from the elevator. “Sir, what is all this about? We have been here for hours without instruction. What are we waiting on?”

“We’re not here for a mission, Specialist,” Phil said, standing with his hands clasped in front of him. He looked over to Skye, who had turned to him. He saw the question in her eyes, the blindingly open ‘is it true?’, and he hated himself for having to give her a curt nod because the moment he did so, he saw something inside of his daughter burn out. Instead of bursting into hysterics again like she had when she first found it, she simply let her head hang, face blank, but eyes filling with tears rapidly. He was once again reminded of himself when he saw how easily she could close down her face. Her eyes showed pain, which was reflected in the tears she couldn’t hold back, but every muscle was lax and her expression empty.

Melinda looked at Skye and back to Phil. She took a heavy breath and the way her mouth tightened showed the extent of weariness he knew she was feeling at the realized she had outlived another of her fellow agents. “I was afraid this was the case,” she said softly and Phil gave a sad smile.

“You always did call him reckless,” he said in a small tone that the others clearly picked up on. Even at his worst, they were used to ‘Agent Coulson’. Not ‘Phil’.

“Sir?” Simmons asked softly, giving him a confused look.

Phil looked down, then raised his eyes, looking at them but not meeting their gazes. “Earlier today Skye discovered something. I immediately contacted Director Fury and was informed that I was meant to have learned it in person from Agent Romanov when we landed. You were brought here to be watched over while I was confirming the information I was given.” He knew his mask was slipping some, but only the very slightest. “The information in question was that Specialist Barton was killed in the line of duty.”

May bowed her head respectfully, Ward’s eyes widened in surprise before he could catch himself, Simmons gasped and a hand flew to her mouth, and Fitz paled rapidly. Skye was looking at him now but her face was still closed off apart from tears in her eyes. Simmons immediately stood and rushed over to Skye, sliding to her knees to wrap her arms around her. For a long moment nobody spoke until Melinda finally looked up and for a moment, Phil knew this was his old friend, not his pilot. “Are you alright, Phil?” she asked.

Phil forced a smile. “You know as well as I do that ‘alright’ would be impossible right now.” She simply nodded silently.

Steve chose his moment to walk over to Phil. “I just wanted to say that I’m very sorry for your loss, Phil. Clint was a good friend and a great man. The guys may not really know how to say it, but we’re all going to miss him a lot, because he was always the one to make a joke to lighten any situation, and we all knew that no matter what happened, he had our backs both in the field and out of it.” Steve smiled softly, looking Phil in the eyes. “You chose well when you recruited him to SHIELD, and we’re all grateful for that because it meant we got to have him as a friend.”

Phil thought he could handle the reveal to his team with his usual ‘Coulson’ efficiency and detachment, but it was really hard to remain stoic when someone as earnest as Steve Rogers offered his condolences. “Thank you, and by extension the others, for looking out for him while I was gone,” he said simply, and he knew immediately that the true meaning of what he said had sunk in for Steve, because Steve’s ‘for show’ face faded and his eyes grew sad.

“I’m so sorry you’ve got to go through it, too,” Steve said in a softer voice, and Phil smiled weakly.

“Thanks,” he whispered, then cleared his throat, turning back to the room at large. “If any of you see Agent Romanov before I do, please make sure she has contacted Kate Bishop and informed her of Clint’s death. I- I need to go,” he said quickly before all but running to the elevator before he broke down in front of his team. 

The doors were stopped from closing and he looked up to see Skye come in. She hit the door shut button behind her and just walked over to stand right beside Phil, leaning back on the rail next to him, mirroring his stance. He looked over at her, but she didn’t meet his eyes. She simply leaned against him, head on his shoulder, and closed her eyes. He watched another tear fall down her face before facing forward again. He slid his hand over to curl around hers on the bar, giving her strength the only way he knew how to achieve without crying in front of her. 

Somehow he didn’t think he could handle that.

~

Phil let himself and Skye into Clint’s apartment and immediately Lucky barked and ran over. Skye smiled sadly and slid to her knees, pulling him into a hug. “Hey boy,” she whispered, looking up at Phil with sad eyes. “You think the Avengers have time and space for him?” she asked worriedly. “He’d never get adopted from a Shelter as old as he is,” she said, pulling back to look at Lucky. “Don’t worry, boy, we’ll find somebody to take care of you,” she promised.

Phil walked to the metal steps and started up. When he got up top, he wasn’t surprised to see Kate asleep on Clint’s bed. The minute he stepped into the room, however, she was up and had a gun aimed at him. She blinked, then frowned, letting it drop. “Coulson? What’s up?” She yawned and ruffed her hair, sliding closer to the edge of the bed. “Clint’s not here.”

Phil smiled sadly. “I know. Have you answered your phone today?” he asked, watching as she stood up and grabbed her jeans beside the bed, pulling them on.

She frowned and dug out her phone. “Missed call,” she said, and then looked up suddenly, hands dropping from the button of her pants. “Oh God.”

Phil nodded, looking away from the half-dressed teenager. “Killed in the line of duty,” he confirmed.

She sat heavily on the bed, paling. “Fuck.” She pushed her hair out of her face and leaned forward. “ _Fuck_.”

Phil chuckled and nodded. “Indeed.”

~

Phil and Kate came downstairs after talking a few moments and Phil stopped, his heart catching when he saw Skye standing in the living room with Gertrude, Clint’s old circus bow drawn, no arrow, just sighting it at the wall. Phil remembered Skye telling him that Clint was teaching her how to shoot the last time they had time off to visit him. 

“Good posture,” Phil said and Skye looked over in surprise, letting out the draw. 

Skye bit her lip. “I had a good teacher,” she said hoarsely.

Phil looked around the living room and shook his head. “I just want to get a few things. SHIELD will probably clear the place out by this time tomorrow,” he said for Kate’s benefit. 

She nodded and sat on the couch. “Your husband, your memories, man. I get it.”

Phil looked at Skye and nodded to Lucky. “Find his leash and then help me find some boxes, okay?” he asked, and she caught Lucky’s collar, pulling him along to go find his leash.

Phil grabbed the bow she had put back on the wall and headed upstairs to get its case. Clint would’ve never forgiven him for letting Gertrude end up in a SHIELD storage facility somewhere.

~

On the second day, Phil and his team ate a solemn, silent meal with the occupants of the tower at Steve’s request. He felt it was best for everybody that they came together in their time of mourning. Phil wasn’t sure how much it really helped, but Skye was less tense at his side, so even if they weren’t talking, at least it seemed to comfort her to remember that she still had people who cared about her, even if she had lost the man who had taken his unexpected role of ‘stepfather’ seriously.

“Sir, I’m so sorry to interrupt, but that same protocol has appeared again,” JARVIS interrupted, and Tony cursed.

“Goddammit, some asshole keeps sending this same fucking thing over and over to my various remote accounts,” he grumbled.

Bruce raised an eyebrow. “What is it? Somebody trying to get in the system?”

Tony shook his head. “It has to be some asshole from SHIELD trying to hack my systems because they can, not for malicious purposes. Anybody else hacking me would want to destroy something. Whoever this is just keeps quoting something.”

“What is it?” Bruce asked. “Maybe I can help out?”

Tony shook his head. “Just the Tears in Rain soliloquy,” he said. Ward raised an eyebrow and Tony rolled his eyes. “Seriously? You’re not THAT young.”

Bruce smiled in amusement. “I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain-“

“Only the ending is changed,” Tony interrupted. “It says ‘Time to live’ not Time to die,” Tony finished with a nod. “Just that. Over and over-“

“What did you say?” Phil asked quickly, lifting his head.

Tony nodded. “The fucker messed up the final words of one of the greatest monologues ever.”

“Blade Runner,” Bruce said to Grant, who finally seemed to understand.

Skye, however, looked at Phil quickly, eyes wide. “It- it can’t-“

Phil put his head in his hands. “When was the last transmission, JARVIS?” he asked tightly.

“Approximately two minutes and ten seconds ago, Agent Coulson,” he replied.

Phil looked at Skye. “I saw- I _saw it_. It can’t be-“ Phil was cut off by his phone ringing. He pulled it out and answered it. “Let me guess,” Phil said tightly.

“Phil, we’ve got a situation,” Fury said and Phil let out a weak laugh, head in his hands.

“It’s not him, is it?” he asked.

Fury was quiet for a moment. “How could… whatever, no, it’s not. I don’t know what the hell that is on that slab in the morgue, but Agent Barton had a broken hand two weeks ago. It was healed up enough to draw with but the bone would still show healing. X-ray showed no signs of broken bones anywhere. Outside scars are visible but internal damage isn’t. Also this body has flat feet. Not exactly the feet of an acrobat.”

Phil looked up suddenly, eyes on Stark. “Stuttgart. Try somewhere near Stuttgart.” He put Fury on speaker. “Sir, Stark wants to tell you the message he’s been receiving on remote servers, the last of which was three minutes ago.”

Stark frowned but spoke. “It said, “I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to live.”

“Live? Time to live, not time to die?” Fury asked.

“Yes, Sir,” Phil said and Skye gave him a hopeful look.

“I’ll call up recon immediately. You can have both your team and the Avengers. Start coordinating, Phil.” Fury hung up immediately and Skye let out a wet laugh, tears in her eyes.

“It’s him, isn’t it? I knew it, Blade Runner, it had to be him,” she said, sliding her arms around Phil.

Phil hugged her close, kissing the top of her head. “We’ll find out soon enough, but I hope so.”

Natasha, who had remained silent so far, looked at Tony’s confused expression and gave him a sharp smile. “I’m betting Fury just told Coulson that the body wasn’t really his.”

“But you saw it, you identified the body,” Bruce said, and Phil shook his head.

“Whatever it is, that’s technology we don’t have because it had all his scars and it matched his DNA,” Phil said. “But according to Fury there’s no internal healing signs from recent injuries, even if the external marks are there, and that body has flat feet, something that most definitely would’ve been known about on an acrobatic man like Clint.”

Skye smiled suddenly. “He’s alive. I know it. Dad, he’s alive and he managed to escape them if he could get into Stark’s remote servers to get a message. He’s- he has to be on the run and needs extraction.”

May raised an eyebrow at her and Ward made a face. “Ew, ‘dad’? Really?”

Skye glared. “SHUT UP! I’m emotional. I’ll go back to calling him A.C. when we get Clint back.”

Bruce raised an eyebrow at Phil. “You sure it’s him?”

Phil nodded. “Blade Runner is his favorite movie. I’ve had to sit through that movie about five hundred times in the last seventeen years. Trust me. That’s Barton hacking your servers to try and get your attention.”

Natasha nodded. “I’ve sat through it most of those five hundred times, too, trust me. Clint’s SOS signs are always from that movie. He went on a long undercover once and his radio sign wasn’t Hawkeye, it was Batty.”

Phil looked at Tony. “Good news, Clint trusts you with his life, because contacting you instead of SHIELD means he thinks SHIELD isn’t as reliable. You’ve passed a test not many people ever pass,” he said and Tony smirked.

“He loves me for my body, what can I say?” he said, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Orders?” Steve asked Phil, and Phil nodded, getting to his feet.

“Tony, go trace the hack. I’m betting Stuttgart or somewhere nearby. He picked that monologue for a reason. Everybody else, suit up.” He looked at Natasha. “You take a jet with your men, May, wheels up in sixty minutes, my team be ready,” he instructed.

“Understood,” Natasha said, slipping away from the table immediately.

Tony held up a hand as he stood. “Whoa, Agent, sixty minutes isn’t a lot of time for me to trace and confirm and suit up.”

Phil looked at Skye and raised an eyebrow. “Think you can speed him up?” he asked and she nodded, standing up.

“Yes, sir,” she said simply, grabbing Stark and dragging him out of the room, her face set in a determined mask.

“I’ll give you one thing, she is definitely your kid!” Tony called over his shoulder as Skye dragged him away.

Phil couldn’t help but think that was a compliment.

**Author's Note:**

> It's actually comic canon that Clint Barton's favorite movie is Blade Runner.


End file.
